Blogs From My Past, Part II

This blog is from costume shopping before my 30th birthday Halloween party. This was a special day for me so I'm copying it over:

October - 2006

It's Better Than 60...

I went to a Halloween Warehouse yesterday with my best friend, Lindsay. She was very stressed out about not yet having the perfect Halloween costume in mind, and like me, was giving in to buying a pre-made costume. We actually did find the perfect costume. A tavern wench, which is basically a short leiderhosen skirt with a petticoat. It's very "St. Paulie Girl" and very cute so she purchased a blonde braided wig to go with it. Up until we found the costume, Lindsay was very distraught and not at all feeling the holiday spirit - pun intended. Finally we spied this very appropriate costume and snatched it from the shelf. It had all of the required elements - it was not frumpy, it had a male counterpart for her husband and it wasn't a fairy. It also had the bonus of being a hostess-esque costume, so assuming it fit it was perfect. Off we were to the dressing room.

For a costume place, they really dropped the ball in the dressing room department. Lindsay was forced to try on the costume in a tall, box-like structure with a torn shower curtain, hanging lazily over the opening. Standing outside of the "dressing room" I have now become the shower curtain as I stretch to pull up the draping corners to keep onlookers from peering at her goodies. Unbeknownst to Lindsay, I'm occasionally dropping the curtain in order to sip from my Latte as I act as a barricade for my naked friend. I finally am asked to assist with the zipper and offer an opinion. It was super and I said so. I really liked it. She was hesitant to exit the dressing room to peak in the mirror, however I explained to her if she couldn't wear it out of a dressing room she wasn't going to be able to wear it in front of 100 of our closest friends.
While I was waiting for Lindsay, a couple came up to try on their costume - a bowling ball and pin that says "spare me" on the front. Not a costume I would have chosen, but I'll admit it got a giggle out of me. Maybe I would have liked it better if the woman was the pin and not the ball. Anway, when Lindsay sprang from the dressing room looking like Gretle after her 21st birthday, they oohed and aahed over how much they liked it. Of course we then ventured on to talk about "The Party." As I said, "well that Saturday is my 30th birthday, so.." I was interrupted... "You're not 30!" The bowling pin said. I looked at his female counterpart and laughed and said, "I think you're required to say that." Technically he was right... I'm not 30.... I'm 29. But at that point it occurred to me... is this what people feel they have to say when they think you're old. I figured the couple was at least in their late 20's if not 30's so I was surprised by his shock at my age. Is turning 30 or any number above 30 kind of like hearing someone weighs over 200 pounds? If someone says to me, "I weigh 220 pounds" and they're not 6ft tall or a man the first thing I'm probably going to say is "You're not 220 pounds! No way." Which basically tells that person that 220 pounds means you're a fat ass and up until this moment I didn't realize you were such a fat ass.

I know that by saying this we think we've offered this fat person some sort of solace. We think we've convinced them that we never really figured they were fat. When actually our act of surprise does more harm than good by letting them know what we really think of their actual weight and how we will look at them from now on. We would actually do less damage if we just said, "oh okay." and left it at that.

So, knowing this, I've become very excited about reaching this personal milestone. If anything it'll give me a chance to make people really uncomfortable when they act so surprised that I'm "so old." But in the grand scheme of things, turning 30 is not a big deal. My mom just turned 60! That crazy kitten! Now try dealing with that one...She told me the other day that they don't even market beauty products to women in their 60's. There are skin regiments for every age group through your 50's... when you turn 60 they stop. They've just decided there is no help for you now and may God be with you. After hearing that - 30's a piece of cake. And as I've said before, who can be upset about having a birthday when you're going to have an awesome party!? 13 days!!! Be ready!