Blogs From My Past

I used to only blog on MySpace... What!? There was a space for it, so I used it. Anyway, there are a couple of blogs on there - 80 in all - and some of them just sort of disappear forever when they get to be too old. You have to know what the dates are to access them. Crazy! So I'm poking through those old blogs and looking for any that I find particularly funny and reposting on here. If you have ever read my blog on MySpace, then I apologize as this will be review for you... but I'm just going to post a few. For fun. So here's the first (warning! Adult content... it is spam after all):

More Work Spam Yay!

Some of you already know from my previous blogs that I deal with a lot of email spam at work. Like around 2,000 spam messages per day... and that is not an exaggeration... in some cases that's undershooting the number. The problem is that I don't get to have a "junk mail" box that I can just dump... I actually have to delete them one by one... well it's not quite that arduous of a task. Really I delete them in groups, but not before I view the subject of each one to verify that it's spam. As a result I'm presented with some very interesting email subjects that I like to share with you fine folks. I mean, honestly, why should this much fun be limited to just one person!? So I've selected a few of my favorites and, of course, have added my commentary to add to their awesomeness...

Here we go:

1) This is a two parter
1a. My new guy's dick is enormous, and my mouth is tiny.
1b. I just started dating a guy I like, but his pecker is on the small side and doesn't really satisfy me.

Comment: First of all - to 1a), what in the hell is anyone supposed to do about the size of your mouth? Do they make pills that make your mouth bigger?? I'm asking because due to the high quantity of emails I view regarding "make your penis bigger pills" I'm just wondering if that's the point here... do you want a bigger mouth or a guy with a teeny peeny? If the later is the case, I have a woman who is complaining about her guys "small pecker" a.k.a. 1b). She has aparantly been brought to us from 1985 where people still use the word pecker... maybe you two could trade. Then her giant vi-jay jay and your small mouth will both be satisfied... after long last. You're welcome.

2.) No more lonely nights! The new era of big pen!s begins!

Comment: Why do I care about big pens? OOOhhh... that's an exclamation point used as an I... that's supposed to say penis! There was an era of the small penis? So this new era is supposed to get you laid? Does this new era do anything about your face?

3.) PHENTERMINE, CODEINE, VALIUM, XANAX, Cheapest Generic Medication, Buy in Bulk and Save! free

Comment: Why am I buying in bulk to save if they're free? What kind of game are you running here!? Serioulsy... I'm confused... do I need to pay for the xanax or should I just buy in bulk?

4.) Women will never complain.

Comment: You may fall for the "big penis" email or the Spamed stock stips, but you don't seriously believe this do you? Does the product show you how to put your socks in the hamper?

6.) Looking for qualitative w4tches? Go to Prest1ge Repl1cas

Comment: Qualitative watches!? Thank Goodness. I've grown so tired of those stupid Quantitative watches. Oh... and by the way... you're spelling with numbers... that's only okay in text messaging or license plates.

7.) It's Berthas Girls Night Out again, how about it?

Comment: Bertha? That's the best name you could come up with? I'm supposed to be interested in what Bertha does on her night out? Is Bertha a farm animal? I think I'll pass.

8.) I was looking for a method to improve my size. By size, I mean overall length and width of my penis

Comment: Wow... well that went from vague to incredibly specific. If you were so ready to go there, then why didn't you just start there? Why not just come out the gate being specific? Why do you have to be such a penis enlarging tease?

9.) Most popular online apothecary.

Comment: Somebody got their Translating English for Creatively wording Spam word of the Day Calendar.

10.) Games save lives

Comments: How? By keeping all the fat kids too slow to jump out of the way of your car that you're driving under the influence of bulk perscription drugs in the house?

11.) I fill her whole mouth now.

Comment: Oh wait, Dude... I don't know how to tell you this, but she totally doesn't like it. Apparently she's now unhappy with her tiny mouth... you might want to lay off the penis enlargement and talk to her...

12.) 94% of women agree a larger penis is a visual turn-on

Comment: What women were polled for this survey? Did they used to be men? Because no woman finds a penis to be a visual turn-on... I don't care how big it is. Penises are not attractive at any size. I think you'll find that 94% of women find abs to be a visual turn-on... maybe larger wallets... but not penises.

13.) Free games for Kids

Comment: Gee, thanks Mr. Pedophile! You're not going to make me wear that outfit again, are you? I guess I shouldn't complain... by giving free games, you are apparently saving lives.

Okay - that's all I have for today... See all the fun you could be having with your Spam? You should definitley think twice before emptying your bulk folder. How else will Bertha get a hold of you?