Cookies!?

Oh why, WHY must the girl across the street be a Girl Scout!?  Why do parents have to encourage positive socialization and skill building by letting their daughters join the Girl Scouts?  Don't you know that I do not need any more cookies in my house?  Damn you, Girl Scouts and your chocolaty-peanut buttery goodness.  We've already plowed through 2 boxes and I haven't even opened the thin mints in the freezer.  Aw boo.  That on top of the 4 jars of chunky blue cheese sitting in my fridge and I'm screwed.  Just sign me up for my fat pants right now.  Is it not bad enough that I had a baby four months ago, but you have to taunt me with girl scout cookies and blue cheese?  What am I, Job!?   

I was a girl scout once.  Actually, since I was in the 3rd grade we could only be "Brownies."  I don't think they have Brownies anymore... anyway, your uniform was... well... brown, of course and looked like a drab version of the Girl Scout uniform which was green and perky.  I'm sure there's some symbolism in there somewhere.  I honestly don't remember much of being a Brownie.  I think we went on a camping trip.  I remember more about being an Indian Princess when I was around 6 years old, than I do about being a Brownie... probably because they gave us feathers for doing things (like being able to stand up and and say everyone's name... they don't require a lot from you when you're six) and you attached them to a stick.  Colorful feathers on a stick totally trumps a sash with badges.  I don't think they have Indian Princesses anymore, either.  I wonder if they've been sent to the PC graveyard... Buried in the 80's with terms like "Indian Style."   Remember when everyone just threw out Indian Style like it wasn't totally offensive?  What other racist terminology have we done away with from our childhood? Oh! Indian giver was another one!  What did we have against Indians anyway?  It's not like it was 1820... what were we all at Wounded Knee or something?  How does something like that make it all the way to the 1980's before someone said, "ya know... maybe this is a bit dated."   

Anyway, back to what I was saying... At the end of the 3rd grade year we had a graduation ceremony where we crossed the threshold and were given our green sashes to symbolize our passage from young-girldome into older young-girldome.  That's the only thing I really remember about being a Brownie and that's probably because the ceremony was at my house.  I don't even remember how I received a single badge.  Honestly I don't remember if I received a badge... but surely I had at least one!  So what do you do in Girl Scouts, anyway!?  I know that in Boy Scouts my brothers learned how to tie knots and built pinewood derby cars and raced them... could Girl Scouts just be like an undercover child labor operation to sell cookies??  Those stupid cookies... they aren't even that good!!!  Why do I feel compelled to buy them and eat them in large quantities?  It's a good thing I finally got my new running shoes... I was running out of bandages for all the damage my old shoes were doing and need to burn off these cookies!  It takes 10 seconds to down a Tagalong and 45 minutes on a treadmill at 6 mph to negate it's affect on my thighs.  That is not balanced.  I vote we bring back Indian Princesses and teach them to off the Girl Scouts when they try to sell us cookies.  Okay, maybe not OFF them... they are children after all... maybe just hog tie 'em... that's a skill.